t was the middle of 1983 and I had constant dreams of earthquakes, buildings collapsing and spasms of intense heat being released from my lower back. I thought Hatha Yoga would somehow help me. There was a great emptiness in my life, and I kept desiring for something I couldn’t explain or understand. I had just finished a Hatha Yoga class and was waiting for a bus. A picture flashed into my mind of a woman dressed in a long white gown, with long black hair. She was standing in a wooded area with cabins and there were little stones on the ground. This vision disappeared just as quickly as it entered my head, but then a calmness entered my being.
That evening, after dinner, I rested on the couch while my son played with his toys. Suddenly, my hands felt very heavy and strong sensations flashed through my palms and fingers. I sat on the floor. My hands opened, as if ready to receive something. Then I heard a powerful sound coming from way above my head, a rushing sound, like a wind blowing. The sound came down and pierced the top of my head and then filled my whole being. I knew that this was something good and powerful. My son had also opened his hands and felt this energy. I don’t know how long this lasted, maybe one minute, maybe fifteen minutes.
For the next three weeks after this experience I felt a peace and joy that are hard to explain. I was in a state of being where nothing bothered me. I desired nothing and I needed nothing. My son was constantly at my side because he was also feeling these vibrations.
Three months later, in September 1983, Shri Mataji Nirmala Devi came to the United States for a big and important tour. I went to Her public program and the next month, October, we had a weekend seminar in northern New York state in Shri Mataji’s presence. Having then more time to be near Shri Mataji, I began to realize that She was not just any ordinary woman, but a woman of great depth, beauty, and grace.
One beautiful evening Shri Mataji spoke to us for some time and then we enjoyed some bhajans, Indian devotional songs. It was quite late and everybody was preparing to go to bed, but I felt a strong desire to go outside for a walk. I realized I had been seeking Shri Mataji all my life and She had been the woman in my vision.
On my way back to the cabin, I passed the house where Shri Mataji was staying. I looked all around me and saw the cabins and the wooded area that I had seen in my vision months before. I even felt the little stones under my feet. I had finally come home!
Some time later, I was starting to establish myself in Sahaja Yoga. I wrote Shri Mataji a letter which contained the basic questions that all seekers desire to have answered. The questions were “Who is God? Who are we? What are we doing here? Why are we here?” Would She answer these questions?
Some time after sending the letter, I had a beautiful dream. Shri Mataji appeared dressed in a pure white sari and holding the letter in her hand.
“I am aware.” She simply said, and I awoke from this dream and could only smile because peace and tranquillity filled my whole being. A couple of days later, I was sitting on a bench in front of my son’s school waiting for him to come out. Watching the mothers waiting for their children, I started to think about Shri Mataji. All of a sudden my Kundalini rose so quickly and so spontaneously. I felt it on the top of my head very strongly. My whole attention was there and then I saw all the people coming together, as if they were all one. I heard their voices very far away. Then my eyes closed and two dreams that I had experienced many years before flashed into my mind. Then miraculously my Sahasrara chakra opened fully.
What I saw is quite difficult to explain. I saw the whole universe in total harmony! There was order, peace and stillness. God was like a great, huge, white, shining planet of radiant energy. He was a state of being of pure total joy and peace, full of limitless knowledge. Around God were little shining planets very similar to Him and containing His same qualities. This picture of astounding beauty and radiance lasted for only a short time.
When I reached home, I felt as if I had to eat something, although I really wasn’t hungry. As I ate a hastily prepared sandwich, my Kundalini again rose and I felt it very strongly. As I ate, I felt as if I were two separate beings. My physical body was just a mechanical thing, functioning like a machine, but my Kundalini was flowing freely and strongly and the joy it gave me is hard to explain. She was my spirit! She was alive and radiant! She permeated my whole being with love and peace.
Her Holiness Shri Mataji graciously granted me the answers to questions I had wanted to know all my life. Who are we? We are nothing but the Spirit. We are the Great Mother’s children who are now on the way to Her Kingdom. God and His Shakti are vibrations of life and peace and we are made in their image. Let us be worthy of this great honour.